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The Perfect Mother

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This is a heavier post than we’re used to over here.  This is a topic that I’ve realized I need to personally address within myself and I thought that maybe we could help other moms out there too.  I doubt I’m the only one thinking this way.  I’ve been thinking about this for awhile now and I want to break the silence.

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I am guilty of being a perfectionist nearing the edge of it being a fault.  I’ve been this way for my whole life and as a mother and wife, it’s magnified.

Ever since we had Aiden I’ve tried to do everything perfect for him.  There are so many parenting decisions to make throughout pregnancy, labor and delivery, when they are born and then thereafter.  It’s part of what makes being a parent fun, but it also comes with pressure to make the “right” decisions.

I research all the parenting decisions that I have to make such as the procedures that hospitals do when babies are born, what is the best way to nourish them, how to sleep, how to play with him, what I should be teaching him, vaccinations, how to start solids, and how to discipline.

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I never did any of that without knowing all sides to the coin and making informed decisions on what I believed was best for Aiden and our family.  I think gaining knowledge about all topics is crucial and that everyone should make informed decisions instead of just going with the norm.  I, however, think that I take it a step further and focus on it too much.

I’m struggling right now with what to do with him during the day.  I feel like if I’m not reading to him all day or teaching him things that he’ll be behind when he gets to school.  I feel like if he turns his nose at a serving of vegetables, I’ve failed at teaching him how to eat healthy.  I try to discipline him perfectly – not too harsh, but not too lenient either.  I try take him places to be with other kids just the right amount of time, but don’t want him to get too many germs (although my germ phobia is better since he got the flu).

I want my house to be clean, but I also want Aiden and our family to feel comfortable being there.

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I also know that rigid moms are not good for their kids either, so that makes me stressed because I fear I am that mom.

I’m exhausted.

I want to do the right things for him, but I also want to just go with the flow.  I want moderation in my life.  I don’t think people would know this about me on the outside, but this is how I’m feeling on the inside.

I feel being a mom is my job right now – to be the best for Aiden that I can be.  I don’t have a career for the time being, so this is what I’m supposed to be doing.  I love that I get to be the one that does it – but I feel pressure.

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I have this irrational fear that one screw up as a mother and Aiden is doomed.  I know that’s ridiculous because I’ve screwed up before and I’ll screw up again.  No parent is perfect.  That’s not even ever a possibility.

I’m trying to let go just a little bit and not stress if things don’t go perfectly all the time.  After all, that’s what life is about – beautiful chaos.  In the end, I just want Aiden to be happy, healthy and have peace in his heart.

Questions:

Parents – have you ever felt like this?  How did you overcome it?

Any advice for me!?

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7 Responses to The Perfect Mother

  1. Oh friend. I feel this way too! So much. I’ve actually considered the word “perfect” profanity since we’ve had Logan :) Ah, that darn word. Something I’ve been down about in recent months is when he get sick with a cold/fever (we are on our 5th or 6th round now… I’ve lost count), I get major mom guilt that I’m not cleaning enough or well enough, but the reality is is that he’s a socialized kiddo that could pick it up from anywhere. Even though I know it’s not my fault necessarily, I still have mommy guilt over it, among other things you mentioned too. You aren’t alone in this, Ali. Finding balance in those decisions is more of a challenge than actually making a decision. I’m a recovering perfectionist too :)

    • Ali Damron says:

      Thanks for reading and listening! Mommy guilt is not fun at all, but I know we all have it and it helps so much to have people like you to talk to! We’re all in the same boat and most of the things I feel guilty about are completely irrational! Let’s get together soon by the way!

  2. Oh, and I’m LOVING your podcasts too!

  3. I think if you’ve never felt like this then that’s not normal! …that’s a confusing way to say that yes, I’ve been there too! What has helped me is connecting with other moms. Once you hear that everyone gets bored or feels guilty or is just plain tired at times, it’s easier to not feel so badly about it.
    I hope you can cut yourself a little slack and recognize what a wonderful mom you are and how lucky Aiden is to have YOU as his momma :)

  4. Courtney says:

    Yes, this, yes. I just recently started to feel this way. I felt decently well informed and like I had my act together for the first year. Breastfeeding, and BLW, and playing. But, now I feel like I have no idea what I am doing. What I should be showing Aria, and teaching her. I don’t want to waste her little sponge of a brain, but I don’t want to do too much either. Then there is discipline, I feel like I’m drawing a big blank in that area. She does something, and I say no Aria please don’t do that while shaking my head, so she does it again and shakes her head. Sigh. I think I need a book. I read a lot during my pregnancy and I feel like that really helped the first year, but I’m not sure where to start for year two. Happen to have any books you’ve liked? I’ve always liked The Art of Making a Baby’s blog book recs so maybe I should see what she has to say on the subject too.

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My name is Ali Damron & this is my home for sharing my chaotic motherhood lifestyle, attempts at newfound recipes, & how I stay fit out here in Denver, Colorado. Thanks for stopping by!



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